I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
