I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
