First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
