So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
