I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
