4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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