i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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