Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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