i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
where are you?
Hypothermia
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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