if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
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I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
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Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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