We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
