just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
