he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
