even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
