The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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