My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
