dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
