...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
