I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
