it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
