smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
