hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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