So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
