Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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