I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
