Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
