I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
