Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
