What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
