you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
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I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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