I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
