I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
