Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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