Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That accounts for only three of the penises
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
