Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
