how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
