Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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