I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You took a bar mat shot.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
