Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
