her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
