i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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