if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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