Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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