Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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