Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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