loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
