So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
