I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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