Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
