Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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