why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
