so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
