I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
