Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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