i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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