He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
