my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
