Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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