BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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