I'm lost and stupid without you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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