K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
