just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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