I want to have your abortion
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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