My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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