Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
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With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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