Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
