Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
