I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
