matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
