Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
