Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
