I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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