Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
