i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
barbara walters just said penis...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm like, not good at living.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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