so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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