U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize