Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
