Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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