thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
