I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We left an ass print on the piano.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
