was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
